This post has definitely been difficult to write and I've been going it over in my head for days. I think it's because I've been very fortunate in my life to never really experience bullying or mean girls. I grew up in a very tight knit community where we all knew one another and I was one of the more popular kids or quite honestly, I never really cared if I was popular or not. I didn't think I would experience bullying by a mean girl in my 30s! I thought by the time we all hit 30, we would have some maturity, decency and respect but I guess I was wrong.
So, here's the back story summarized (I don't want to bore you). An acquaintance of mine who I've met at a few parties and maybe briefly spoke to was trying to use me to get with a person I know. This person (let's call the person "him") that she is interested in, I have known for a while and we have had history together.
Now, I'm not sure how she found out that I knew this person (but I believe I know the source) and we all know girls are very good stalkers so I'm sure she dug around some information to get to her conclusion. Although, we were distant acquaintances over the past couple of months she tried to be extremely "friendly" with me (red flags were going on in my head then) randomly. I did know that she has a history with many people of being mean, competitive, insecure and badgering people....her rep isn't so great and that's why I had the red flags going up in my head! So, I was always apprehensive with her. Regardless, she wanted to know my history with this "him" and when I was not providing her with any information; she got mean. She started harassing, bullying, insulting and disrespecting me and once she realized it wasn't going to work she started lying and turning my friends against me. I lost many, if you are wondering. Girls that I always thought had my back and were my friends but, I guess I was the only loyal person in that relationship.
The end of the story is that she insinuated that she was with this individual now and happy and didn't need my help in getting with "him." He was part of her fate and he's much happier with her. The story now has changed apparently. She now has gone around telling everyone and "him" that I was the crazy person and that I was harassing her and was jealous of their relationship, when in fact it was quite the opposite.
I had to cut her out of all my social media and contacts because I didn't trust her or any of her friends. Like, I said I lost quite a few. I went into hiding a bit; I guess to lick my wounds. I felt like my world had shattered. What broke me the most was this individuals reaction to it all (by individual, I meant "him); when I asked him for help, he too sided with her and I truly felt like I was left in the dark by myself. I trusted this person and when I reached out it wasn't to put her down but as a way to clear the air. I honestly thought he knew what sort of person I truly was and knew my soul but he ended up believing her rather than me. That's what hurt me the most, not her; she was always nothing to me but him and his reaction.....I honestly hold him into much esteem.
I guess it's all a lesson. I could tell you to don't trust people, don't give people the benefit of the doubt, don't be too nice and honest but I won't. Only because, we should trust one another and we should be nice and honest. There are way too many mean people out there in the world and we don't all have to stoop to their level.
Rather, I'll say listen to your gut (something that I am re-learning in my 30s), it always speaks the truth. There will always be mean girls and guys who use you to get what they want and throw you away. You have to carry your head up high and let things roll of your shoulders. I could end up being very vindictive and ruin that girl's life but I won't; I wasn't raised that way. I'm not a bully and honestly I trust God that he will mend my heart and perhaps this was a way He was protecting me for any future problems.
For anyone experiencing bullying or mean people in general, know that the insecurities is in them and they are hateful; not you. You can be better than them and you don't have to be mean back to them; let karma do all the dirty work for you! Lean on your family and friends for advice; you are truly never alone and if you feel like you have no one then lean on God. He will show you the way out.
I keep reminding myself that she's not the one who's "winning" in life by being a horrible person to other people; I'd rather be nice, honest, loyal. Being resentful and bitter is only going to hurt me; which isn't fair at all! As women, we need to stop putting each other down and using one another to step on to get ahead in life, or in my case to get a guy. Being mean will get you so far but being nice will always make you come out on top. In the words of the very inspirational DJ Khaled, "those that weather the storm, are the great ones."