I don't understand when it gets better to be honest. The pain is still so real and I know that stalking doesn't really help the situation but I can't help it. There are days when the pain is so fresh that I don't even know what to do.
I wonder all the time why I wasn't enough for him? but I guess it was never about him and he doesn't, nor will he ever, judge my self-worth.
I've tried everything; blocking him, partying, going on vacay, distracting myself...absolutely everything! I wonder when it will get better? When will the time come when I stop waiting for him or even loving him?
So many questions and there aren't any answers at all. The only way I keep reassuring myself that God is with me. I keep reminding myself on the things to be grateful for; such as, my parents, I have a great job, money, shelter, my health so, why am I focusing on what I don't have? Also, I have God taking care of me at all times so, really why am I worrying right?
Sometimes I think this heart can't take it anymore. Seriously, I am so tired of repairing my heart over and over again. The worst part is that he's so happy, while I'm here being miserable. I know, I'm assuming stuff but trust me, he's happy with the love of his life while I am so incomplete without him.
I guess I was always the stupid one. He took advantage of that and now I'm left with nothing but my stupidity.
I walk around everywhere with this broken heart and sometimes I feel as though the pain is so strong that even strangers can see how much pain I'm in.
I'm honestly not sure on what to do but I'm hoping with this blog post I can let other broken hearts know that they are not alone. I understand and I know the feeling of not hearing your heartbeat anymore.
The only word of advice that I can give is that believe in God and His ways.....He is the healer of all pain and understands what you are going through. One of the best ways to get over a heartbreak is by falling in love again. So I am working on my relationship with God because I know, no matter what, He will never break my heart and knowing that helps me hear my heartbeat a little better.